International Self-Love Day – celebrate yourself!

Today is February 13 – International Self-love day.

To celebrate this day, I made a commitment to start a blog in February and to post something regarding self-love. In one of the many email lists I am subscribed to I came across an email and website by Christine Arylo www.chooseselflove.com and www.madlyinlovewithme.com and I felt compelled to join the organization and sign up as a Love Ambassador.

ambassador

I made a commitment to share the message of self-love and what it truly means throughout February on Social Media, share a blog post, and host a self-love circle. I have been posting on my Facebook site (www.facebook.com/SusiesInsights/ ) every day in February a message of self-love.

I also started reading Christine’s book Madly In Love With Me. In her book, Christine talks about a utopia world of love, where every girl born on this planet is born in love and stays in love with herself – not in an egotistical way, but in a way where she does not judge herself by external standards. Instead she feels safe, loved, cared for, more than enough, just because she is who she is. With this mindset, eating disorders, and tolerating abusive relationships  do not exist, as those girls become women who take care of themselves first, without guilt or obligation, and they know that in order to give, they must also receive, which includes self-care.

Self-Love Tree

Christine later explains her view of self-love can be seen in the form of a tree. There are 10 branches to the self-love tree: acceptance, awareness, care, trust, esteem, compassion and forgiveness, empowerment, expression, honor and respect, pleasure, and the roots of that tree are self-worth.

Aside from my commitment to blog about self-love, I am drawn to comment on this utopia and the self-love tree. My utopia extends this ideal to all human beings. But sometime I feel as the late John Lennon wrote and sang … “maybe I am just a dreamer, but I am not the only one…” but I acknowledge it all starts with ourselves, and thus me.  When I looked through this list of the components of self-love I realized there were several of these that could use a little more attention, and some that were in good shape.

Be the change that you wish to see in the world.’  – Mahatma Gandhi

I recognized that I needed to make some changes in order to start on the path towards this utopia, and it started with me. Self-acceptance rather than seeking acceptance from external sources is a big one for me that really came to light over the past 2 years. All of my life I compared myself with others around me, especially my sisters, who are phenomenal athletes. I worked really hard at everything I did, and was good at pretty much everything I took on, but I was never ‘the best’ at any one thing. In the circles I was in there was always someone better. I witnessed my sisters being celebrated for their various sporting accomplishments, and I am very proud of them. But I wanted that recognition and celebration for me. So I worked harder, pushed harder, trying to be ‘the best’.  Because of this I did not celebrate my accomplishments, or take notice of all the things I was good at. In my mind, being the best was celebrated by everyone – everyone took notice of who was the best. But I have come to realize is that being the best is short-lived, and doesn’t not mean anything if you, yourself are not enjoying the journey or the accomplishment.

When I took stock of all that I did and accomplished when doing so much, it really was an eye opener for me. When I started to accept myself for who I was and took the ‘yeah, buts…’ out of the internal conversation, and really recognized my accomplishments and felt them, I was softer and kinder to myself, proud of myself. Now, I continually looking for those reminders enjoy what I am doing in the moment, and I am so much happier. I still work hard looking to improve, but I have made a vow to me to enjoy what I am doing, even while pushing myself.

I have discovered that there is one thing that I can be ‘best’ at and that is being me. No one else can be better at being me than I can. I have decided to stop trying to be someone else, and to accept me for who I am, while still pushing to grow and become a better me.

I am sharing this, not for the recognition, or even for the commitment I made, but to help others, even if it is one other person. Review the self-love tree that Christine has presented, and identify for you what branches may need some little extra attention so that you can grow to be the best you that you can be, and enjoy the journey along the way. There will never be another you. Enjoy you with all your heart.

If this sparks some interest in you, go to my Facebook page (www.facebook.com/SusiesInsights/) , like my page and share your comments on how you are treating yourself today.

Choose Self-Love.

Advertisements

Anger – How are you handling it?

Anger… such a strong emotion. Something we all feel from time to time, but I suspect you were also told to “just deal with it and move on.” But how many of us have been taught how to really deal with this emotion that is healthy?

Some have learned to express it through violence, while some others have learned to suppress it through some activity that becomes an anesthetic rather than actually feeling the emotion – like food, alcohol, drugs, sex, even exercise – which, for the most part, some of these in moderation can be a healthy distraction. However, a lot of suppression can lead to addictions.

But is the answer to suppress it, stuff it down, or take it out on someone else? Or is there a better way to regain your power? Would it be better to just deal with the emotion?

As I mentioned in previous blogs, our emotions are our feedback mechanism, whether we choose to ‘listen’ to them or not. Recognize and acknowledge that you do feel wronged in some way, whether by someone else or even yourself. Take responsibility for how you are feeling.

Below is a little trick that I have learned that may help some of you.

When faced with this lower energy emotion:

  1. In the best way that you can, remove yourself from the trigger and get to a safe place. Staying in the immediate situation may only add fuel to the anger and that would not help the situation.
  2. Give yourself permission to feel what you are feeling. Consider where you are feeling this emotion in your body. Scan your body, and find where you are holding on to this anger.
  3. Then choose to release it, as holding on to this lower energy just builds up the resentment.Use visualization to vent that anger or frustration. Picture a bubble in front of you; and with every part of your body, scream at that bubble, venting this anger. As you are screaming imagine this dark energy leaving your body, filling up that bubble.  Continue to do this until all the anger has left your body, particularly from where you were feeling it in your body, knowing that it no longer serves you to hold on to that emotion. Let out that anger and fill that bubble.
  4. Now that you have released the energy from your body, take back any of your power that you may have lost by holding onto that anger.Imagine a second bubble, a bright beautiful golden bubble, alongside the dark bubble, with a filter between them. Picture that bright golden bubble acting like a vacuum as it starts to pull your power from the dark bubble, through the filter into the golden bubble, leaving behind the dark energy.

    Once all your power is in the golden bubble, imagine that bright golden bubble breaking away from the dark bubble and floating over your head. Once it is directly over you, it pops and showers you with its golden light, but also coats you with your power. You can feel your body absorbing your power, returning your power to you. Take the time to feel that power returning to you, particularly filling up those spaces where you were holding on to the lower energy.

    Now imagine that other dark bubble floating away from you. When it is almost out of sight, you see it popping, and disintegrating into the earth, knowing that this anger no longer has any power over you.

    Feel how it feels now having your power, and no longer holding onto that anger.

  5. When you are ready, come back to your current reality. Check in with yourself. How are you feeling now?

This technique can work for any lower emotion, not just anger. Try it out and I would love to hear about how it may or may not have helped you in anyway.

And now that you have allowed it, release it and regained your power (in a way that does not harm anyone, including yourself), you can take it a step further, dig deeper and come to an understanding of what  this lower emotion was trying to tell you. This is where a Life Coach can help you obtain clarity into what message this emotion was bringing to you. Obtaining this clarity helps you identify choices that you can make: one that may empower you, and bring you closer to your goals or desires, or ones that keep you where you are.

Again, I would love to receive your thoughts, and feedback through the form below and or in the FaceBook group.

‘Till next time, allow yourself to feel your emotions, and not suppress them as they are your guidance system. Stand in your power, knowing that you do have a choice.

Judgement – who is it serving?

In the last couple of weeks I heard a lot from others saying “Oh, I wish <this person> would stop doing <this>’, or ‘would do <that>’, whether it be someone talking about their husband/ wife, friends, co-workers, boss or even their children. From what I have learned this is placing judgment, whether conscious or not, on others for what they may or may not have done.

In learning about the Universal Law – the Law of Allowing – there is a component of allowing others to be who they are. There are two ways to apply the Law of Allowing, which is: 1 – how you allow the Universe to deliver to you what you have been asking for; and 2 – allowing yourself and others to be who they are. Abraham-Hick’s sums up the second part of the Law of Allowing through the statement “I am that which I am, and while I am that which I am, I allow others to be that which they are.” In other words, accepting of yourself, as well as allowing others to be who they are.

However, allowing others to be who they are is not about tolerating them, or even accepting their behaviors. But it is about recognizing that they are in a place in their lives that they – deliberately or not – have chosen to be in, and accepting that of them. They are where they are right now, as you are where you are right now. No one truly knows what another person is actually going through in their lives. Consider that, while you are allowing others to be who they are, you still have the choice whether to be around them, or not, and that passing judgment impacts you more than it impacts them.

This can be prevalent in team environments: whether sports, work, or any other type of teams. The nature of the team is that we tend to rely on others to reach a particular goal. In doing so, you more than likely have set certain beliefs for yourself, as to how you and your teammates ‘should’ act. Holding these beliefs for others can certainly become frustrating when any of the others do not display the behaviors you think they ‘should’. While you may be okay with this belief for youself, consider that it may not be right for the others. I certainly have come to learn this!

Consider, that maybe, by expecting people to behave a certain way you are placing your joy and happiness into the hands of others. By doing this you may be giving up some of your own personal power of experiencing joy and in fact, strip you of your own freedom. Leaving your joy up to another person may or may not work out the way you hope. So take your power back, empower yourself to feel your own joy.

This may be easier said than done, especially if you have learned and practiced this habit over several years. However, with this new found awareness, as you find yourself judging another person, stop yourself, get quiet, and consider asking yourself the following questions:

  • Who are you ‘hurting’ by passing this judgment?
  • Could there be an aspect of your life that you are judging yourself?
  • How much do you beat yourself up for making a ‘mistake?
  • How much do you praise yourself for your good choices and/or your successes?
  • Where do you choose to focus?

I challenge you for the next 5 days to focus on your successes by journaling about your daily successes by following the steps below:

Step 1: Before journaling, write down how you are feeling between 1 and 10 (1 low; 10 high).

Step 2: Then, list 10 things you are grateful for during that day. As you are writing each gratitude, stop and recall the event, and feel the gratitude. Try not to write the same gratitude as the day before, unless the event occurred in each day.

Step 3: Write 5 personal successes for yourself. Start small if you find you are struggling to write 5. But recognize and feel the success inside your body, notice where in your body you feel each success.

In doing this, if you find that that little voice starting to criticize your gratitudes and or successes by saying something like “Yeah right, that is not a success. You ‘should’ have done this or that”, choose to place these thoughts that are not serving you into a bubble and let them float away. Choose to focus on the gratitude and successes and how they feel, even if it is just for now.

Step 4: Repeat step 1 – write down how you are now feeling between 1 and 10.  Is there any difference from step 1?

I would love to hear from you on how this process impacted you. For everyone that responds through the form below, I will provide you a complementary one on one coaching session, at a time and method that is convenient for us both.

And, if this information resonations with you, and if you haven’t already, consider following my blog by clicking ‘follow’ below and/or by join my FaceBook group.

In closing, I wish you all a fantastic week, with high vibrations. Happy journaling.

The Greatest Love

Happy Valentines weekend everyone!

As we celebrate and share with our loved ones how much we care about them and appreciate them, how many of you showed yourself that same love and appreciation?

Last year, if I was asked that same question I would have looked quite puzzled. However, through my learnings, I am discovering that in order to find true happiness, you have to start from the inside, and love yourself first.

This was certainly not an easy task for me. I grew up believing that loving yourself is conceited and arrogant, and was told time and time again that these were not good qualities to have. This was a bit of a deep rooted belief that I needed to change before I could start to consider to love myself.

I also grew up trying to please everyone. For different situations and events, I focused on how I thought everyone else expected me to act, and had no consideration into how I wanted to be. Unconsciously, I put the pressure on myself to try to figure out how to be ‘perfect’ for everyone. Trying to please everyone led to much failure and disappointment. But not only that, more and more, I was hiding who I was. I was doing this so often, it came to be that I didn’t know who that was.

So, being confused and stressed out, I decided to go on my journey of self-discovery. With lots of help from my class mates, and other life coaches and guides, I am working on these limiting beliefs and am starting to really get to know the true me. It certainly has not been easy, and has been time consuming, but the effort and setbacks thus far has been very worthwhile.

I have come to believe more and more that as physical beings, we are extensions of the non-physical. I have been told that for every physical birth, there are 1000 or more souls competing to become that physical being, with the intention to learn their own life lessons and purpose.

Consider as you watch any of the Olympic coverage, that at birth, YOU won the Gold medal to be YOU! Your life is your journey to live your life as the best YOU that YOU can be. No one else can even compete with you in that race – only you. We are all different, and that is what makes each and every one of us special in our own right. We all come here to offer our unique gifts to humanity. By being someone you are not-whether due to peer pressure, or habit- is depriving others from receiving the gift that is you.

So, what have you come here to do? For me, I am still not sure on that, but I am taking one day at a time. I have been meditating (well learning to), and working with my peers and colleagues on my path of self-discovery (THANK YOU!). I am trusting that my higher self – the one voice I had not been listening to my entire life (and to some degree did not believe existed) – does know what my life purpose is, and will help me along my journey through the lessons I came here to learn. If I choose to listen, I can be guided and inspired to take action and live my life purpose.

I am not under the illusion that this mindset will change my immediate environment, but it does change my perception. I have asked for these life lessons, so I might as well enjoy the process of learning them rather that choosing to stress about them. Who am I pleasing by getting stressed out? Certainly not me!

Whether your life purpose is to be a great athlete and win gold at the Olympics, or to be a face in the crowd and support those who do go for the gold, all you can do is be the best YOU that you can be. If that means a bit of struggle along the way, or lots of difficult training, it is up to you to choose how you perceive that struggle: as something you are to learn from and grow and enhance your life’s purpose; or as another stress to deal with. Ask yourself which one feels more empowering, then decide which path to take.

So on this valentines weekend (and everyday) allow yourself to take some time to show the most important person in your life how much you appreciate them being in your life, and that you do love them. If it hasn’t clicked in yet – that person is you.

To quote the great and late Whitney H.– ‘Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all.’ I am on that path of learning. Hopefully, this post inspires you to start or continue on that journey for you.

Big (virtual) hugs to you all! Happy Valentines!

Please feel free to leave your comments, and or reach out to be using the form below.

Careful what you ‘ask’ for

To say January came in ‘like a lion’ is an understatement – not only with respect to the weather, but for me-work and life too.

This time of year the IT consulting industry is typically beyond busy. Many clients have a fiscal year end of March 31, and the crunch is on to have projects completed by year end. This is not something new to me. I was expecting January/ February/ March to be busy, especially with trying to complete my schooling, on top of a busy work environment. But I did not expect to be this busy.

Being more in tune with my emotions and what they are telling me – I was hearing them loud and clear – I do not like this current situation, and was confused by it. Over the holidays I actually set the intention for this period to be quite manageable – to be fully billable for work, but to also have plenty of time outside of work to focus on school and coaching. So I thought that was what I was asking for, but it is certainly not what has manifested.

Being immersed in the Universal Laws as I have been over the past 9 or so months, I was looking to take responsibility for my current situation, and was asking “How did I create this?” Don’t I need to understand what my ‘ask’ was to understand how my current situation came to be? It seemed logical to me. But for the most part I was not hearing the answer.

After several days, somehow, I ‘heard’ “You are approaching this wrong! Focus on what it is you do want – not on what you do not want!” (Yes, exclamation points and all.) It is one thing to reflect, and learn from it, but when trying to ‘fix’ it, my dominant thoughts were on my current reality (which is what I don’t want) and how to change it. Not on what I do want.

When you focus on the current reality, and even trying to understand ‘how’ you came to be where you are, what is it that you are typically feeling? Lower emotions. But, these lower emotions are a sign of resistance. But wait now – how am I resisting what I do want?!? It is what I thought I was asking for. Not so, apparently. By choosing to focus on my current situation (or what I didn’t want), I was telling the Universe ‘I want more of this’, and was getting it, but really I didn’t want it and my emotions were giving me that very feedback.

So how do I change it? I am told ‘it is as simple as getting clear on what it is I do want and have that as my dominant focus point.’ But also to consider not the ‘how’ I created this, but the ‘why’ – what lesson did I have to learn before I could move toward my desires.

After some introspection, I realized that a belief I had was holding me back or limiting me from reaching my desired situation. A large part of me still believed that sometimes you need to just focus on the work/ task at hand, work hard and push through the busy times to get to the ‘down’ times. For most of my life I have done just that – pushed through the busy times to get things done – and in every area of my life, not just work. So much so, that I did not take the time to enjoy the journey. And what I found was that I would be pushed to such a limit that when there was a ‘slow’ time I didn’t know how to enjoy it. I was either too exhausted to relax and enjoy, or I thought that something had to be wrong for there to be a down time. So I had to ‘fix’ it!

Wow – this belief has not been serving me too well. Now is the time for me to change that and replace it with new belief that serves me – the new me – better.

I have decided to allow myself the time to enjoy the moment, and not just push through. I am giving myself permission to spend a little time every day to dream (a very new concept for me), ask myself what do I want, as well as what new beliefs do I need to have to live the life I want. Although I certainly do not have all the answers, I am now hearing all sorts of ideas – ones that seem fun and enjoyable, and certainly not something to ‘push’ through. This is definitely a better place to mentally!

So what is my next step – taking inspired action! (After I share this insight with you, that is.)

To-Do Lists, with a twist!

First of all I would like to thank so many of you for the online, verbal and offline comments regarding my blog. One of my favorites was “during the NL Power Outage, your blog was a refreshing break from all the complaining on FB – Thank you for sharing some ‘light’.” Thank you for those comments! I truly appreciate them.

So this past week, I have been asking myself (and the ‘Universe’) for guidance on what to blog about next. As I have mentioned to many of you, I do not consider myself a writer, and I tend to keep most stuff very close to me, so sharing my personal experience, especially through writing is very new to me.

I certainly wanted something relevant- a scenario/ situation I could relate to, and would still provide some tips for you. As my mind was ‘racing’ with so many topics, as well as other priorities, I could not find the focus to write. Somehow, I received some clarity – write about having too many things on your plate, writing them down (which helps with focus!), and ask the Universe to help in getting them done. This is also known as ‘The Place Mat Process’ in Ask and it is Given by Jerry and Ester Hicks.

I have pretty much always been a ‘list’ person. My professional career is in project management, so not only do I make lists, I prioritize them, draw dependencies, look for logical sequences where I can ‘multi-task’ without actually multi-tasking (i.e. putting in a load of wash, before I vacuum, as I can vacuum, while the wash in in progress), so this was nothing too new for me. However, what was new was asking the Universe for help, or even ‘assigning’ some of those tasks over to the Universe! What a concept! But hey, why not give it a try? What do I have to lose?

Particularly, during this first week back to work, my mind was racing to recall: where things left off before my holidays; where things are now; what things need to happen next; etc. I was quickly feeling the downward spiral that could have easily become overwhelm. However, being aware of this, I stopped myself and started to write my list. I considered what items I could ‘assign’ the Universe to take care of, verses what I had to do.

Amazing enough, some of the tasks I did assign to the Universe did get completed! For instance – a follow up phone call with a client – well that client called me, rather than me calling them. Preparing a Letter of Engagement for a new piece of client work – another employee actually volunteered to complete it, without me asking them! And there were others! It was pretty cool to experience, and this certainly increased my vibration. When I realized some of these items were on my list for the Universe, I found myself giggling. Certainly better than being frustrated!

So what exactly did I do?

I took a piece of paper and divided it down the middle vertically. On the top of the left hand column I wrote ‘Things I must do’ and proceed to write my to-do list, in no particular order, as they came to mind. On the top of the right hand column, I wrote – ‘Tasks for the Universe’. I then scanned my to-do list and identified tasks/ items that I didn’t necessarily need to action, and was open for the Universe to offer alternative ways to complete these tasks. I then wrote these items in the right hand column, crossing them off of the list on the left hand side. When I was doing this, I was visualizing how I would feel having these tasks completed, and said ‘thank-you’ as if they were already done.

I then revisited my to-do list, and prioritized it. I also choose to look at these items as things I ‘get’ to do rather than ‘having’ to do them. I then asked the Universe for assistance in performing these tasks, so that I could complete them with ease and joy, rather than force and frustration.

After that, I got stared on my top priority item, and continued working away.

It truly is amazing how a little mind set change and asking the Universe for help really can ease the pressure and make the same task more enjoyable, if you choose to allow it.

Give this one a try, and let me know how it works out for you by commenting on this post.

‘Till next time, have fun playing with these tips, and keep choosing to reach for those better feeling thoughts. Life may just seem to be a little brighter.

The Emotional Scale

The next piece of information that I want to share with you is that we are all energy – our thoughts and feelings are emitting a certain frequency or vibration. With the Law of Attraction, what you put out you get back. So if you are sending out a vibration of sadness, you get more of it back. Same with anger, frustration, overwhelm, or love.

Consider what feelings you feel most of the time and that is your emotional set-point.

All emotions fall into a 22 point vibration range.

The emotional range (as per “Ask and it is Given” by Jerry and Ester Hicks) is:

  1. Joy/knowledge/ empowerment/ freedom/ love/ appreciation.
  2. Passion
  3. Enthusiasm/ eagerness/ happiness
  4. Positive expectation/ belief
  5. Optimism
  6. Hopefulness
  7. Contentment
  8. Boredom
  9. Pessimism
  10. Frustration/ irritation/ impatience.
  11. Overwhelm
  12. Disappointment
  13. Doubt
  14. Worry
  15. Blame
  16. Discouragement
  17. Anger
  18. Revenge
  19. Hatred/ rage
  20. Jealousy
  21. Insecurity/ guilt/ unworthiness
  22. Fear/ grief/ depression/ despair/ powerlessness

I know I was on a downward spiral. 8 months ago, my vibration set point was between frustration/ irritation/ impatience, and overwhelm. And more and more I could feel it dipping further. I really did not like this and at the time I had no idea what to do about it.

I had put out to the ‘Universe’ so many times I need help – and somehow this life coaching certification program came into my inbox. Now, at first I was very skeptical, but somehow I kept being pulled back. 8 months later, and am I ever glad I did decide to do this program.

The work I have been doing, I have raised my vibration set point, and I am continuing to work on raising it higher and higher. My current set point is one of hopefulness and optimism.

Do I still have feelings of frustration, anger, doubt, grief, insecurity – absolutely! I am human. But now I have awareness of what these lower emotions are telling me. I can choose to wallow in these emotions or deliberately change my thoughts, which change my feelings. By choosing better feeling thoughts I can change my emotional vibration a little bit at a time.

I chose to do that, and you can too.

So, where have you been vibrating?

I challenge you all to revisit the scale and identify your current emotional set-point. Take more notice of your feelings, and when you are aware of them, choose a better feeling thought, one thought at a time. 

As per my last post, I would love to hear from those who decide to take the challenge. Let me know how this activity may or may not have impacted your life; what your experiences were, and what you have learned from it.

Certainly, if you would like to explore this further, reach out to me. I would love to work with you to help you explore this further.

Love and peace to you all.